Endings and Beginnings

It’s the start of a new year and while I know it is completely symbolic and meaningless, I really do view the new year as a fresh start. I have been reading Danielle LaPorte’s “Desire Map,” so I’ve been working on my personal 2016 desire map (I will probably share in a future blog). I don’t do resolutions but I am constantly striving for personal growth and I always feel like the new year is the perfect time to start thinking about where I want to go and who I want to become.

Looking back this past year was quite rough. I moved in with Jon, his sweet little dog passed away, we started house shopping and it was a disaster. We refinanced his house so that my name was on it, even through several meltdowns from me panicking about the situation. There were deaths in the family. Jon and I broke up. Now, most of this happened within 5 months. I cried a lot but ultimately I was okay. In fact, now I’m quite happy.

I’ve also met a lot of great people this year who I am so thankful to have in my life. I’ve learned so much about myself this year. I’ve definitely pushed myself outside of my comfort zone and I am finally starting to get really comfortable with who I am. It helps to have some of the greatest friends a girl could ask for.

Here are some of the lessons I learned this year:

1.) I need to trust my instincts more. I knew several months ago that Jon and I weren’t good for each other. We just always wanted different things out of life. At every big decision we made, I had mini panic attacks telling me stop. I thought I was being silly so I ignored them. I am now working on listening to myself when my heart is saying “yes” and when it’s saying “NO!!”

2.) I need push my boundaries a little more. So for those of you following my dating life…I’ve been going on a lot of dates lately. The reason isn’t because I’m just trying to date every man in Colorado, it’s because I get serious anxiety meeting new people. In fact, before I met Jon, I’d make people wait 2-3 months before getting the actually go on a date with me. Yes, some guys would wait that long. It was silly though. I think I’m getting over my fear though. I’m also meeting really great guys, some are friends some may be more who knows.

3.) I enjoy staying at home to recharge but man I enjoy going out with a couple of friends sometimes. I really am a social creature. I need my fair share of alone time but man it’s great to have close friends to go do things with a couple times per week.

4.) Break-ups really can be great. I’m not saying this to sound like an asshole. Jon was wonderful and still is a great friend. We both knew it wasn’t working with us and we ended it. I have never felt such relief. I had been pretending to be someone I wasn’t for too long, he had done the same. We are both much happier.

5.) I like to meditate, I like listening to podcasts about the mind and energy, I like the idea of being more holistic. I’m kind of a fucking hippie. I’m okay with this.

Here’s to a new year of learning about me, loving life and living it to the fullest! Hope everyone has a great New Year!!

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